I think the scariest thing about dealing with depression is never knowing when a low point is going to show up. I can be doing really well mentally and physically and all of a sudden something triggers me and I go into this downward spiral of negative thoughts. This is likely my excessive worrying disorder coming up and making me do the “what if” scenarios in my head creating all kinds of situations of what someone may be thinking or feeling about me. Someone doesn’t answer you for a few days, “They must have thought that thing you did or said a week ago was horrible and now they never want to talk to you again. You’re such a horrible person. Why would you say or do that? What is wrong with you? Oh yeah.. all those things along the way made you like this. So maybe you should just isolate yourself so no one has to deal with your horrible self and be hurt by your hurtful behaviour that you clearly can’t control”. The negative self-talk goes on. It goes on until you’ve beaten yourself into a pulp emotionally that there’s nothing left of you but a withered self-hating ball of anxiety. So, que the low point of depression and hiding away with your thoughts, trying to manage yourself daily and the struggle and attempts to complete normal tasks. Tasks go undone. You beat yourself up more. You’re lying around feeling horrible. Your body is now responding to this lack of activity by creating pain all over. So, what do you do now? You’ve dug yourself into this hole with not a lot of room to climb out. Support is not always an option especially if the ones who normally are there for you are sick of it because this happens every few weeks or every few months and there you are again, looking like a cat in the rain. It happens to the best of us. This is just how depression is. Some of us wait it out and try our best to get through it with as much as self-care as we can handle. Some of us take meds and some don’t always make it out at all; If you have been there than, you know what I mean but if you haven’t try and show empathy to someone dealing with depression. They don’t want to be there. They didn’t CHOOSE to be there. Mental health is be developed through situations over time. It is something that no one else but the person can understand. Their situations that shaped their mental health will not be the same as someone else so their treatment will not be the same either. There, is no ONE SIZE FITS ALL for people with depression or ANY mental illness for that matter.

You can try using these TIPS when supporting someone with depression: Listen, support, offer help (help only if needed or if they asked). Do not insert yourself into their space without asking them first. Many people with depression would feel relieved to have the opportunity to sit down and speak freely in a non-judgemental and comfortable environment even just to vent (because there is not always a solution to their situation). Just let them talk and listen, REALLY listen and support. You need to be aware that there is also going to be the other individuals that DO NOT want to talk about things and that’s okay to. Let them deal with it in their own way. There may be moments when they bring up something that’s bothering them and when they do, that’s your moment to listen (and ask them to elaborate) so you can better understand. Remember not to try and FIX, but to listen and support. I personally am on both sides of this and can either talk or isolate (which I’m sure is frustrating for my partner) but most of the time I’d like to talk if I feel comforted. If I feel attacked, I will shut down and hide and you’ll be lucky to ever get another word of me.

Don’t treat a person with depression like they’re the problem. Like they are not “doing enough of this or that” so “that’s why they have depression”. That’s hurtful and you’re just victimizing someone who is already in a rough place. Placing blame upon them as if their depression was “their own fault”. Please go take a course in psychology, and then come talk to me because that’s just pure ignorance. If someone is victimizing you like this, you may need to sit down and explain your condition to them and if it continues, you may want to reconsider your relationship with them. This relationship could be what is potentially adding to your stress and therefore negatively impacting your mental health. Remember that you need to care for YOU first because you cannot take care of others when you are not in your best place physically and mentally. Be patient with yourself. You can and will make it out of this. Please reach out to someone if your depression escalates and you are at risk of harming yourself or someone else. We need you here on this earth. You are important. You are loved. You are worthy of life. I know it can be hard to see that sometimes when dealing with depression, but I promise you, it does get better.

Living my purpose one day at a time,

Alexandra Anastasia